I never told women I wanted a relationship. I just didn't correct them when they assumed it.
Same thing. I know.
She cooks for you three times. Sleeps over four nights in a row. Leaves a toothbrush. You say nothing. She thinks this is going somewhere. You want it to go somewhere too. But the sex is good and the apartment smells like food instead of loneliness. So you shut up.
I did this for years.
Then my last girlfriend moved out. She had been living with me for months. Good woman. Cooked every night. Told me I was her dream 24 hours before she packed her bags.
What happened? I enforced a house rule. One rule. Dinner at 7, bed by 10. She couldn't do it. I told her two times. Third time I told her: "You go to bed by 10 or sleep on the couch." She slept on the couch. Next morning she said she didn't feel safe and started packing.
One uncomfortable night. That's all it took.
One uncomfortable night and she would rather end a relationship with "her dream" than correct her behavior.
Worst thing is this wasn't the first time. This is a pattern I've seen for the past 4 years actively dating in Porto. Not just me. All my single friends see the same thing. And because I also do coaching, all my clients see the same pattern.
I sat in my apartment. Quiet. Nobody in the kitchen at midnight. Nobody's phone lighting up the bedroom. And I thought: fuck this.
Not fuck her. Fuck the whole setup.
I gave this woman my bank card to shop for us. Big house. No rent. No bills. I told her she doesn't have to work if she doesn't want to. I was faithful. Not a single message to another woman. Not a flirt. Phone was clean. I clicked every box a man can click and then some.
All she had to do was keep a schedule. She couldn't. And instead of fixing it she left.
No man should invest into a woman like this. I learned that the hard way so you don't have to.
So I stopped pretending.
Next girl I matched with on Bumble. Straight up. "I'm not looking for anything exclusive. I see other people. If you're cool with that, let's meet."
She said yes.
The one after that said yes too.
The one who said no saved us both three months of bullshit. I respect that more than the ones who said yes.
Here's what happens when you stop pretending: the drama disappears. No "who was that message from." No arguments about going out. No walking on eggshells because she might check your phone. All that tension comes from the gap between what she thinks is happening and what's actually happening. Close the gap and the tension goes with it.
Some women leave. Good.
Some women stay and slowly try to change the deal. You spot these around week six. "So where is this going?" I repeat what I said on day one. If she stays after that, she means it. If she leaves, no time wasted.
And some women actually prefer it. They have their own lives. Their own apartment. Their own schedule. They don't want a guy around every night asking what's for dinner. They want Tuesday and Saturday. Good sex. Good conversation. Then they go home.
Those are my people.
Now, very important. Let's not blame women for this. If there is a fault it's the system that set the incentives. It's the dating apps that show the grass is greener. It's social media where she compares an above average guy from Porto with a billionaire in Dubai. Modern dating is brutal and we have to adapt.
Look at the numbers. Thirty percent of men under 30 haven't had sex in the past year. Fifty percent divorce rate. Seventy percent of women in relationships have a backup guy. Google it.
The dating market in 2026 is not set up for monogamy. It's set up for swiping. For "let's keep talking" messages that go nowhere. For women showing up 40 minutes late and ghosting after one date.
I'm not angry about it. I adapted. I set rules and systems in place. I never get ghosted anymore. I sleep with about 90% of women I go on a date with and genuinely like.
The lie wasn't even working. Women can feel when you're not all in. They see the phone face down on the table. They notice when you text from the bathroom. They already know. The lie just delays the explosion.
The truth is faster. Cleaner. And it gets you better women.
My apartment has room for company. My life has room for fun. But my bank card stays in my wallet.
And I did all of this for a woman I decided to have a long term relationship with. Not a random girl. I despise men who take women on first or second dates to Michelin restaurants. These guys are losers. I take women who add value to my life. It's a reward. In the past I took the wrong women there but that's ok. People make mistakes. But losers are the ones providing high end experiences to strangers without any guarantee of anything. If you're doing this and reading this, stop. You're a loser.
If you're still handing a woman everything hoping she'll stay, stop reading this and go look in the mirror. She won't. She never does. And when she leaves, she'll tell you she "doesn't feel safe."
I'm done pretending every woman I fuck is the one.